Freedom Not Forgotten

In my brief thirty years of experience, I have learned that the greatest challenge to overcome is keeping peace in the presence of others. Other people, even family (especially family), bring a certain discontentment to an otherwise content mind. Before marriage and children, my mind was relatively at ease. Yes, I had the occasional wretched boyfriend who brought turmoil, but he was easily cast aside in exchange for my personal satisfaction. Yes, as an adolescent my parents caused me discomfort at times but it was more like a game that could be easily won by either giving in to their demands or hiding things that they found unacceptable. There was a sense of freedom in being able to sneak out of the window any time I wanted, or to occasionally cut class to see a boy across town. Was it the best behavior as a teen? Of course not. But it brought a freedom that I find myself longing for as an married house wife with three small children. Don't get me wrong, my kids and husband are my world, a world that I guard with my very life, but deep down inside there is a selfish part of me that can't wait to be able to walk out the door any time I want. On some days, the peace of mind that was so easily obtained before now seems a million miles away. On some days, my marriage is in shambles and I want nothing more than to run far away and never look back. But I won't. I'm a responsible, strong woman who is trying to raise responsible, strong kids . I will reconcile with my husband. I will drown out the kid's clamoring cries with headphones and a good playlist. I will fight for the day when I can walk out the door alone, knowing that my family is happy and in tact.